My life has been a roller coaster lately. I'm either up or down. I've developed an insane amount of patience in the past few weeks. It comes across as kindness and it does feel good to have that kind of control over my temper, but I question where it's coming from. Have I lost my fire? Have I lost my ability to be passionate? I hope not. On the other hand, settling isn't always a bad thing. I know we're taught to think it's weak but there are some things you just can't change. If you never learn how to feel alright about things you can't do anything about, how strong can you possibly become? You could define strength in many ways. Maybe knowing when to just be happy with what you have and even with what you don't is one of them.
Anxiety issues have held me down a few times this past week. I think it might be from stress about losing a crutch of mine. Tonight is the first time it's really, really seemed like it was gone. I have a feeling it's going to be awhile before I'm totally ok with this. It's a long time coming. I knew it would get here eventually. I just wish that I could wash it down, but it's hard to swallow.